Artists, And What Makes ME Really SICK

by Brendan S


Something I rarely admit as to regards to my self-esteem is what I think of a work of art.

A "work of art."

Or, an "Artist."

The idea that makes me sick is this word, "Artist" or "Artisan" when we are all artists deep down in some way.

I will go to a painting gallery, folk festival, or art festival, and see all of these people displaying "what they do as artists" or hear a person say, "I am an artist." or "I am a painter. I'm an artist." Etc.

It makes me sick, because I think as opposed to how "art as a specialty" is viewed, we really are all artists.

I don't think about it, really.

I never sell my pictures, though ..

I know that it took me about 15 years or 17 years to release my first CD, CTRL + M.

(Which I am listening to now).

I worked on the song "Rightness" for six months.

I worked on the song "Committed" for three months.

I also worked on both songs every single day, until the time was up. Because I wanted my songs perfect, I didn't release them until later on when I had the vocal ability to make the lyrics more audible, which I also had to recover the lyrics from notebooks, because in the original versions they're whisperry and unhearable for the most part.

I did the re-recorded vocals, for all four songs with vocals on the CD in a single vocal session, and released the CD with a strange catharsis in me.

I still didn't want to share it ..

After I did, when I had already made another CD, called Infinite Time Machine, I really wanted to prove myself as "Musician" and not as an artist.

The CD is very artistic, if that is appropriate, because I hate that word, too.

I like a lot of things, but I think most anyone is capable of writing, drawing a circle with a cross in the sand, or poetry. We all have our own bodies and minds as works of art, and we all have time itself to pray to, for our material to work upon.

I feel bad that "Artist" is a job, or a career.


I wish art was tested more based on the merit of the "artist."

I wish also that things weren't so corporate.

I know already people get a lot of ideas and influence from my work -- because I simply know.

I've seen and heard the evidence that I influence and inspire people, so sometimes I am crossed between wanting to be a humanitarian, who just gives, or an "artist" like the rest of everyone else.


Now I struggle to think about what I want to do with music ..

I have ideas for fleeting projects, but I don't know if they're worth it, from one medium versus another.

In the end, I wish at least the "idea that we are all artists" could be seen more in society.

Spirituality to me is corrupted, and is a media of its own style of corruption, which is why some people think I am a bad psychic.

I mix spirituality with art, on purpose, for the sake of my own power.

If I am sacrificing, or confessing, for the sake of power, it seems wrong to people ..

When I consider them -- or YOU, a coward, for being an 'artist' instead of attempting to find real magic out of life.

I hate it, actually.

The entire idea of just calling yourself an "artist."

Be who you are, and do your best, but let your work judge you, don't judge yourself through your work as though you are an image presenting another image.

You are your own work of art, and the magic lies on the inside of you.

It exists on the inside of you.

You need to produce a real effect, not just something to look at, listen to, or "sell."

I like making t-shirts, for instance, but I sold two for $40, and very quickly gave up on sharing my shirts with people, wearing them only for myself .. because for some reason, I feel like (since I gave more than two shirts) they were paying me for only two, and didn't really want to acknowlege the full price, and really desired to "have something of mine" (my magic) that destroyed my sense of the art.

They are waveform T-Shirts I make, and other patterns, but usually the wave t-shirts make me the happiest.

I still make them, but I never sold them past that day.


-S