Spurred to write, but I don't really know what to say. It's only time, right..? Some of my books have been deleted, and I truly censor myself to my best ability. Hospitals, E.R.'s, and drugs, and all the synthesis in the world and yet God nows were three million in the world dead from a strikingly mean dis-ease, or the problem was that we were so sick we could not see the beauty in two witnesses, or two lives that were saved in spite of all dead things. One in particular, he must live in the city still. I remember the fight, but I don't remember the cause, sometimes, because I was only defending myself. .. It's kind of sad, but true. Though I said to the police, when they took me to the hospital E.R. (where I was actually tortured for the first time in my life in one of the worst ways), I spent a lot of time thinking about what I should do, when I was in that little room, with my newfound vacation-time ahead of me. I was put into the "hospital" -- the identified patient -- and I went through the phase of my life i've already been through .. It's strange to do something out of a creative subconscious impulse, more than a conscious command. To follow the command of a higher power -- or "some" higher power. I listened to my heart, and fought everyone who got in my way. Privately learning online-based hacking sites to keep the fight going while I was imprisoned, it didn't take long for my effect on the patients to learn that I was not someone who truly belonged in the hospital. (Or the group home where I am now). I find that, to "subconsciously infilitrate" a system, like a programmer, or hacker would, you would have to have an excuse in order to be given all the free food and luxuries of opium tea, and the mysteriously-alcoholic-feeling brand of mountain dew I was drinking when I may have had to defend my very life at one point, using all the power I had. I saved someone's life recently. And I know who he is, and I know who I am. I don't want to live an impure life, and I don't want to waste time with shadows, or false truths. I don't want anymore lies .. And I am tired of all of the pain. So I sacrificed myself to the system on purpose, and I haven't stopped fighting, still. BLS