And she stood there, with burned-off hair, looking like the lady from Requiem for a dream.. Scared ghost. ? I guess so. She got the deathray in the worst way. The kill code. ... I was seventeen, when Irene came to live in my home -- when she was a devout valium addict, and always treated me like shit on Christmas. I stood around, and watched as they slowly walked her into the house, even though she could walk fine .. Hospice was dark, cruel, and strange. They treated her like a work of art, that you feed drugs to. She had a chair. And she sat it in all day long -- from the morning until the night, around seven when she slept. I was working on my CD CTRL + M, with the song Committed the song I was making while they slowly watched her die of cancer of the esophagus. I watched, one night, as she was unable to swallow, and just gurgled all night until she was sent to the hospital. It sounded awful. She was put on oxycontin. And, I admit, I stole a pill from her once -- but not oxycontin. I only took a 1mg hydrocodone, and it didn't even really do anything. I just watched the second ninja turtles movie, and slept after. That night, I felt really "good" though .. even though I wasn't very high. I did a lot of pills in high-school.. Sold them in college, etc. Terrible .. Terrible person..! I remember when she died, Amy said, "Brendan. Something is happening." I went from my UB game (space hockey multiplayer), and immediately saw her with her eyes closed, and mouth open, as t h o u g h staring through her eyelids through the ceiling straight into space. "Brendan. You should hold her hand." I put my hand out, and slowly grabbed her left hand with my right hand and she died shortly afterward, with a final gulp, after I took my hand away. I started to cry .. Then I started to cry a lot. I went to my room, and laid down on my bed, flat-down, and said angrily, "People shouldn't die." And I was angry at God. * * * * * * * I think when I euthanized my grandmother, I didn't know what I was doing. But she is a poltergeist now, and has haunted me for years. I burned off her hair with my deathray, and her husband actually thinks it's funny.. Because ever since I killed her, I've been a shaman .. -Brendan S