Hi! It's Brendan from Husson. It's self-conscious, but I really wanted to apologize right away for my "insecure laugh" which I believe you probably overheard while walking away from me the other day after our conversation. It was the presence of a friend of mine that influenced my behavior and I'm sorry. Hopefully you don't even remember what I'm talking about! I am very happy you said goodbye to me before leaving, and I'm sorry we never spoke more than we did. :) I hope your stay at Husson wasn't too terrible, and I hope your condition improves -- I'm sure it will. You're a very nice girl, and I hope that stress you mentioned didn't get you down too much. I still need to show you my music, but I'm afraid I still have nothing great to show for. Maybe I should write a song for you, what do you think ..? If I do, it has to be good -- so I hope you don't mind waiting too long. Being a student at Husson makes it hard for me to do what I love .. hopefully the summer will be a better time to churn out some good music. I never asked you what your major was you know .. you have to tell me. Hope to hear from you. Goodbye -Brendan (P.S. -- I ate those vegetables.) rumiinhusson@yahoo.co.jp Sat, Mar 25, 2006, 11:25 PM to me Dear Brendan Hi, thank you very much for sending me an E-mail. I was really glad. Was it from your home?Because before you said that you usualIy go back to your home on weekend to work as a musician. And I did not care about your laugh at all, even though I noticed about that. So please do not say sorry.My stay in Husson was not bad at all, because I could meet you. Thank you so much that you have kept saying that "You are fine " all the time even though my face was terrible. And your words always encouraged me. I always feel happy after I see you. And I am sure that you have noticed about that from the begining, right? I would love to listen your music. I think your music is a kind of your world. If you will write me a song, it will be the biggest present I have ever gotten. If my skin get better, I will come back here in 2 weeks. I hope my comming back will not bother you:) And my bacherlor degree was philosophy, and I would like to get MBA in U.S.A. I will miss you a lot. Please do not forget about me. ( What a good boy you were to eat vegetable!!) Good bye Rumi Brendan S Sun, Mar 26, 2006, 6:02 PM to rumiinhusson@yahoo.co.jp Dear Rumi, Yes, I am e-mailing you from home right now. I'm glad to learn my laugh didn't bother you. It's true that when I go home all I want to do is work on my music. I too consider it a part of my world, and I hope some day that others will understand this also. I want to share it with people, and every day that I don't I feel less confident about everything. Things will change and I know it however, so I never worry too much. :) You looked wonderful every time I saw you, and I think however terrible you might imagine things to be, those things could always be much worse. I always feel happy whenever I see you too, and every day from this day forward I will be thinking about your song. And of course it would not bother me if you came back. I'm very impressed to hear that you're going to Husson for a bachelors in Philosophy! That is a very interesting major, and I might consider it myself if things don't work out at Nescom. I love philosophy, and think about it all the time. I hope you don't miss me too much, and I hope you know I could never forget about you. I'll be here eating vegetables. :) -Brendan rumiinhusson@yahoo.co.jp Sun, Mar 26, 2006, 10:01 PM to me Dear Brendan Hi, Brendan. Thank you for your response.o(*^▽^*)o I am glad that you had a good weekend with music.Not everyone can find what they really like and want to be, so I appreciate your attitude toward music.I even do not know that what kind of music occupies your part of world. But I would love to be one of those people who can share your music. It will be wonderful. I am sorry that I have called you as "Brendy", I noticed my mistake right now. I think I have problem to pronounce your name, do you have any nickname which I can pronounce correctly? Anyway please correct my bad English whenever you find my mistakes! And I guess my English led you misunderstand again about my degree, I have already gotten bachelor degree in philosophy in Japan. And then I would like to get masters degree in business at Husson after my graduation from English lessons.But I am amazed that you also love philosophy. Philosophy makes our life rich, doesn't it? You wrote that "don't miss me so mush" on your letter. Does it mean like"forget me" ?I am sometimes confused about nuance of English. If it means like my suggestion, it is impossible. I have arleady started to miss you a lot. I know you must have a lot of homworks on weekdays, and you are busy to eat your detestable vegetables:) so you do not have to replay to me. But if you like, please write me back very short letter. It will make me so happy. Good bye Rumi ... [Message clipped] View entire message Brendan S Tue, Mar 28, 2006, 11:13 PM to rumiinhusson@yahoo.co.jp Dear Rumi I didn't even notice you were pronouncing my name that way. I actually don't mind if you just say brendy if it's easier. All I can say to help you pronounce it is that it's pronounced bren-din and din as in 'dinner' .. I think you speak and type very good english, but I apologize for saying some overcomplicated stuff in my last letter. I guess by "don't miss me too much" I really meant that it might be a long time until we see each other again .. and I hope you appreciate the ones around you as much as you might appreciate me -- because we barely know one another, you know..? But really, I really wish I hadn't said it. ..I would love to know you better, and I miss you too, and I hope we see each other again soon. Do you think we'll see each other again soon ..? I would like to think so. Anyway .. It's rock music that I listen to and create. I love rock and roll, but not the real "heavy" stuff. Not "Metal" .. I understand now that you already have a degree in Philosophy .. That's very cool. I'm curious what sort of work you find with a degree like that. I'm also curious about your own personal philosophies on life. :) I'll explain mine to you later if you like. rumiinhusson@yahoo.co.jp Wed, Mar 29, 2006, 11:24 PM to me Dear Brendan Hi, thank you for your letter, though I mentioned you don't have to replay to me in last mail. I have just come back to my home from skin doctor.He explained what was going on my skin of course in Japanese(it's very important Haha)And he said I will be better soon. I am so glad so I decided to study English by myself and submit my homework to my professor to come back to Husson. Yes, you are right. We do not know well each other. So it must not make sense for you why I miss you a lot. Of course I miss Husson folks also. And I appreciate their friendship. But you are a kind of my special, so that I miss you. It instinctive feeling and in my philosophy, I cherish my instinctive feeling without logical reason. Is it strange for you? You should tell your philosophy, please:) Rumi -------------------------------------- Celebrate Yahoo! JAPAN 10th Anniversary http://pr.mail.yahoo.co.jp/10thann/ Brendan S Thu, Mar 30, 2006, 12:51 PM to rumiinhusson@yahoo.co.jp Dear Rumi , Glad to hear you'll be better soon. That's great! I'm happy things are working out just as they should. I saw your roommate today and spoke with her briefly - I let her know you're getting better. Your philosophy regarding our friendship is one i agree with, and I feel the same way. I think life is what we make of it, and putting trust in nature is the best way to find understanding and peace with the world we live in -- no matter how chaotic or uncertain it can be. I think a lot about existentialism and Buddhism. ;) I told you in my last letter I like rock music -- I'm curious what you normally listen to. I hope you don't assume by "rock music" I mean noisy, fast, angry music. I like many different genres, and make an effort to learn from each of them for the sake of my own work, so I try to write music that anyone can enjoy. Can you be specific about what you mean by me replaying to you in my letters ..? I'm interested, and apologize for it ..what exactly do you mean though ..? :) Later! -Brendan rumiinhusson@yahoo.co.jp Fri, Mar 31, 2006, 12:08 AM to me Dear Brendan Hi, Brendan. How are you? Thank you for your response again. And what I tried to tell you in my second last latter was, I just did not want to bother you, because during weekdays you must be too busy to write me back. But you sent me back soon,  so I tried to express my big pleasure in my last mail. I hope I could answer your question! In fact, I am confused about your question, would you explain again? I am sorryT_T I usually listen to lock, R&B, pop and rap. I know I should try to classic and jazz also. But I am too less sophisticated to enjoy those genres. And I think I do not misunderstand to consider your music. Actually I sometimes enjoy loud and fast punc music :).You do not like it at all? My favorite American song is as far "you are beautiful" I was surprised that this song is NO1 in Japan now also! I wonder how did you distinguish my roommate.You and Maria are friend? Anyway if so, say hello to her:) I was surprised to know that you think about Buddhism! You are a one of the most thoughtful persons I have ever met in Husson. I have to revise my textbooks before I see you again, Haha:) And thank you for telling your philosophy.I love it. I would like to know more when I came back. I miss you, Brendan. ... [Message clipped] View entire message Brendan S Sat, Apr 1, 2006, 3:33 PM to rumiinhusson@yahoo.co.jp Dear Rumi The weather here has been bright and sunny for the entire past week. I'm so happy I don't have to wear a warm jacket everywhere anymore! About the confusion over 'replaying' to your letters -- I believe what you mean to say is reply -- replay means to 'do over again' or repeat, so the meanings are very different for those words. As a lyricist/writer, I was a little fascinated with that use of replay even though it made little sense -- so I must apologize if I made it sound even more confusing than it should. Don't worry about it. I hope you know I have a lot of respect for people who are multilingual and I know that English can be a real challenge to learn, especially in a short period of time. I only expect what you know, and nothing more, so don't be ashamed if you don't know how to say something -- you are always welcome to ask for suggestions if I can help at all. I would love to learn some Japanese if you would be willing to teach me some. :) You have to know that I don't consider myself busy in the week. I love replying to your letters, and I occasionally wonder every day what you must be doing in Japan whenever I think of you. It must be beautiful there, and I'm curious about where you live, and about your family. Do you have any brothers or sisters? I have two older sisters, and both my parents work together at a small business started by my father. I don't know if it was your roommate I spoke to or not to be honest. A friend of yours who you eat with, she gave that survey to people about alcohol -- is she Maria? It was her I ran into at the dining hall and spoke with briefly .. I told her you're doing well, and that we've been talking through e-mail. :) I'm pleased to learn you like Buddhism too. I don't really know much about it except for some of the important principle concepts. I really like to think "we are all the same" and that's my favorite thing I've gotten from Buddhism so far. I'm happy you enjoy some loud music -- like most American kids, I grew up listening to it, and nothing else. These days I don't listen to much noisy rock -- mostly I listen to rock that has a 'catchy beat' and cool rhythm. R & B and Pop use a lot of cool drum styles, and positive song structures that I also admire, and might try to incorporate into my own work some day. I look forward to seeing you when you return. I miss you, too. This weekend I'm staying at school, but I have equipment here for recording music. I'll be thinking of you. -brendan :] rumiinhusson@yahoo.co.jp Sun, Apr 2, 2006, 9:25 AM to me Dear Brendan Hi, Brendan.Thank you for your reply(right?). How are you today? I am fine and my skin has 80% recovered. So I am excited about coming back to Husson. Thank you for explaining the difference between reply and replay. Wow, I got a private English teacher! haha:)And I am glad that you are curious about some Japanese words.I like the people who are curious and open-minded toward foreigners, like you. I will talk about myself a little bit. I live in small town near Tokyo. Cherry blossoms are in their peak all over here, it is amazing. I wish you could see them also. I have an older sister who visited to Husson to see me during your spring vacation. She is one of the best friends of mine. And my father is a veterinarian and my mother is a house wife who enjoy her hobby:) And I am a spoiled youngest who came back to Japan only because skin problem. I feel ashamed Haha:) I love my family, and you seem to have wonderful family. I love to read books. I like to trip, listen to music, exercise, talk with people and ride a car( never as a driver).Then your turn to answer. I would love to know you more. What do you like to do when you have time? How do you usually spend after school? How long rock music have been your part of the world?What led you to the world? Do you have any girlfriend? I am sorry, maybe I asked too much. I hope you have a nice Sunday. I miss you. Brendan S Sun, Apr 2, 2006, 10:26 PM to rumiinhusson@yahoo.co.jp Dear Rumi I'm doing great today. I'm happy to hear you're doing better and think it's great you're coming back. :) It's sunny out again. How nice to be an English teacher now, I feel special. :D You have to teach me some Japanese too, and maybe some calligraphy huh ..? That's cool about your sister visiting you over spring break - she sounds very nice. Pretty cool your dad's a veterinarian - that's a very noble, and admirable profession. Have you ever helped your dad at work and seen the animals..? You sound like you have a very nice family .. I appreciate mine a lot also .. but I actually consider myself to be pretty spoiled too -- and i also know how it feels to be the youngest. My parents are paying my way through college, but I only plan on doing 2 years at Nescom. I actually never drive either, but I should .. I have to be driven back and forth if I want to go home on the weekends, and that can mean extra stress for my dad .. so I gotta get my license this summer, and probably will. This weekend I actually stayed at school to save my parents the trouble. I have my recording gear up here though, so I'm able to get work done on music without having to go anywhere .. and it also helps to rid me of boredom everyday. =] My hobbies include reading, writing, playing guitar, recording music, surfing the net, watchin movies, and hanging out with friends .. I've done a lot of these things lately as well as make exercise a part of my daily routine which I'd been meaning to do. I don't have a girlfriend and haven't really had one for a little while .. I'm 20 years old, but I'm still a sort of 'shy' and 'standoffish' person .. I'm not as social as I should be, I think because I invested too much of my youth (high school years) into learning how to produce my own music .. and I know I've developed many unique skills with the time I put into it, and I'm capable of a lot, but I still don't have much to share with people right now .. I feel a little sad about that every day, but I know soon I'll probably have some great songs to show people.. at least yours will be good. I spent a lot of time writing the above paragraph because I didn't really know what I wanted to say .. I'm afraid I might say something wrong .. Do you ever feel the same way? .. A lot of people fear what others might be thinking of them .. at all times .. and it's a terrible way to be. I do my best to be true to myself, and open minded to other people .. but I've found that many people here at Husson don't agree with that lifestyle at all, and they're the people I'm surrounded by .. so next semester I hope to be living and working off campus because I really need to get away from them. It'll be good. Allright. I am done writing my letter to you now. :) hope you like it. I love reading your letters. I miss you also. -Brendan rumiinhusson@yahoo.co.jp Mon, Apr 3, 2006, 9:40 AM to me Hi,Brendan. Thank you for telling about yourself. I read your letter carefully, and I really like it. I feel as if I became closer to you. And it was fun to know you are also spoiled! But people who loved a lot by their families can love others enough, so we can be good adults:) It will be fun to teach you some Japanese. Since I can not speak English well, sometimes I feel as if I am stupid and helpless. So to teach my language to an English speaker must be fun. And yes, since I was a kid, I have sometimes went farms with my dad to see birth or operations. Well, when I was a university student, I came back to my home once or twice a year. So my parents always complained to me that I should come back more frequently. So even you said you feel sorry for your father's extra work to pick you up and send you back, it is kind of filial piety, at least it is much better than the prodigal daughter:) But your plan to get driver license sounds nice. Actually I also consider to change my license into international license before I come back to America. Because in Bangor, if I want to go to somewhere, I must use a taxi or depend on somebody. It is not comfortable. I should buy a car to be independent. I do not consider that you are " standoffish" at all. Because you have been always nice to me from the beginning. And I want you to know you wear special atmosphere, which is not too insistent but has unique appeal. And( I always use "and" too much -_-;;), looking friendly people are not always really friendly. Since I got allergy, some people changed their attitude. I never dislike them, but I will never trust them any more.It was a kind of lesson to know real and just surface friendly. Now I think if I have some "real" friends, it is enough. So if I describe you, I will use not shy or standoffish, but faithful and modest. If you sometimes feel hardship to perfectly adapt yourself or your way to live to the people who surround you,it is because you are talented. All talented people sometimes feel difficulty to live, and without such a feeling, wonderful works never be created. Only happy people have never created any art through the history:) I am 23 now, and sometimes feel old when I compare with almost Husson students. But I never want to return to my 20. Because in my 20, I was ill in hospital for a long and took big surgeries. Of course it was physically hard, but it was much harder for mentally. I hated my surroundings even people who tried to kind to me and just took pity on me. I was just stupid then. But now, I can live much more easily, and feel getting mild mind. Around 20 is maybe most difficult terms for many people. Do you agree with me? Well, you must have been a cool high school student. People who are absorbed in something look wonderful. Almost teenagers are very busy to compare themselves with others or adapt others just to feel fellow feelings. I guess I was such a one. I hope I can live to be honest to myself(not just selfish) someday. I think to live off campus is good for you and your creative activity. But it will be sooooooo boring for me, if I can not see you in campus at allT_T I will come back on next Tuesday. I miss you. Brendan S Mon, Apr 3, 2006, 11:20 PM to rumiinhusson@yahoo.co.jp Hello again Rumi :) We've spoken more in e-mail now than we have in real life! I usually understand you well when we speak, and I think you do fine at getting points across so don't feel stupid. Where was the university you went to for Philosophy? What was it like? -- Did you have lots of friends there? You said you only came back home once or twice a year to see your family but they wish you'd came back more -- I don't really understand, why didn't you ..? Maybe I didn't understand what you said. I was glad to meet you the day I met you. I'd been especially curious about you whenever I saw you before that day, and I was right to imagine you being the kind and sweet girl you are. I'm usually standoffish with most girls. Do you observe a special atmosphere on many other people? You're right that people who like nice aren't always nice. I think it's shallow and overly-competetive behavior to change your opinion of someone because of a natural allergy .. will you give me a hint as to who it was ..? Other overseas students ..? Husson students ..? .. It's wrong, whoever they are, and they only did it to hurt you because they've got some childish reason to be jealous of you .. overly-competetive little bitches is what they are. At dinner today, some girl was apparently watching me eat .. which I learned after a sudden laugh when my fork missed a piece of chicken .. It was funny, but not as funny as her laugh made it out to be. She was a little asian girl who looks a little bit like you, so i was a little perturbed by that .. If I could live all alone on an island with electricity and food, and no social ties whatsoever, I would do it .. I've actually had a dream since high school to some day live alone in Alaska where no one can effect me or the flow of my work. I haven't thought about Alaska for a long time, but I still like the idea. You know you can see the sun at night, and go months without daylight in the winter there ..? It must be like living on a different planet.. I want to know more about your long stay in hospital, and why you had to go there. Why do you say you were just stupid then .. ? I really want to know .. but you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. Yes, I do find 20 to be a very complicated time of my life, and I've goine through many social and mental changes with my stay at Husson .. my relationship with my parents is also changing. I was not a cool high school student, but I wasn't "uncool" either .. I would say that I was a 'nobody' in high school as I mostly kept to myself and had just acquaintances my early years .. I DID have a lot of friends as a Senior though .. What were your experiences like in high school with friends .. what kinds of friends were they ..? I hope you are as honest with yourself as you seem to be, but if you don't like how you're living, why don't we talk about it -- because maybe I feel the same way about myself ..? I need to get working on your song. I will see you on campus when you come back this tuesday. I miss you, Rumi. -Brendan Brendan S Mon, Apr 3, 2006, 11:22 PM to rumiinhusson@yahoo.co.jp Hehe, Rumi .. I meant to say "next" tuesday .. don't worry, I'm not mixed up. I look forward to seeing you NEXT tuesday. You're a special girl. Miss you. -Brendan rumiinhusson@yahoo.co.jp Tue, Apr 4, 2006, 11:44 AM to me Brendan, thank you for sending mail twice, just not to make me confused;) Well, what I wanted to say in my last letter is, your coming back to home on weekends is not your father's extra stress to drive, but makes your parents happy. I know that because I should have came back to home more:) I was a student of Waseda university which is located in center of Tokyo. My university is so big and has almost 50,000 students. I have gotten some life-long friends there. Not so many. but I am satisfied with having real friends. Do you have any real friend in Husson? I did not know that you had already known me before I knew you. I guess I must have done some strange behavior around you, so that you knew me.Please forget about that, haha;) And No. I do not observe all people's atmosphere. But there are some people who wear special atmosphere regardless of their awareness. And you are a one of them. How should I describe yours in English. Defficult! Ok I will use Japanease " 澄んだ青みがかったグレー" Wow, perfect expression!! Well, some people who changed their attitude were some guys. I do not care or be hurt anymore at all,because thanks to them, I realized "real" people around me, including of you:) Your idea to live alone in Alaska is really unique. I guess Alaska must have some secrets. But to live alone there sounds too lonely. At least I will miss you. I remember before you said that you like to spend time in your room, do you remember?I also consider private time and to be alone are necessary for me. Even last year, I could never have lived in dormitory with roommate. But since I started to live in America, I have really understood what is loneliness. So now I can appreciate people around me more than before. And I am glad to be able to feel like that. If you simply go there, please bring your computer to keep in touch with me;) Well, when I was 17, I met with mortal accident. My esophagus came to smash by that. To recover took until I become almost 21. Maybe you have noticed surgery-seams around my neck.  Why I was just stupid during those days is, because I was busy to feel pity for myself. And I did not appreciate my family, my friends and people around me enough. Now I am really ashamed of that. Would you tell me on ahead about how you do not like your living? Because I have never told anyone about that so I am afraid of being considered by you as strange. I have a bad habit to pretend to be always happy. so please go ahead. See you soon. Miss you Brendan. ... [Message clipped] View entire message Brendan S Tue, Apr 4, 2006, 4:28 PM to rumiinhusson@yahoo.co.jp Hey Rumi Oh, yes you're right my coming home is honored by my parents, and sometimes they get worried without seeing me for too long. However sometimes they only wish to relax on the weekends from stress in the week, and the drive can be a pain for them, but that isn't all the time. Waseda sounds like an exciting unversity -- with that many attending, I bet you saw a new face every day. I have some real friends here, most of my best friends are on my floor like Faik, Matt, and Gordon. I appreciate being seen as 'real' :) I see you as a real friend also. No, I didn't know you before I met you, I was only trying to say that I'd seen you on campus before I met you, and I noticed you - how pretty you are. I'm sorry, but my computer probably doesn't have the right software to view japanese fonts, so I didn't see what you wrote in Japanese. I'm very curious about the great expression. -- That is good how you became aware of the real friends around you -- you'll forget those shallow fools. :) Yeah, living in Alaska would be lonely if I were by myself. I probably wouldn't stay long if it got too boring. During high school I used to stay up very late doing tedious mixing sometimes for 5 hours straight, and sometimes every night of the week .. so I really gave myself a lot more alone time than most people normally would. Now I live alone in a dorm room and have no choice but to live like that all the time .. it's interesting, but it does get lonely. Don't worry, I won't forget my computer and your e-mail address the day I run off to Alaska. ;) I'm happy you got over your accident okay. I can't imagine what it's like to go through an ordeal like that .. to have your life changed so suddenly and then having to deal with it. I wish I could console you right now with my words, but I have a feeling you've heard it all before. I'm curious if how different you were back then compared to now. About how i'm living .. I might have a bad habit of feigning happiness sometimes also. I believe it might be in my nature to be overly-effected by the world, and feel more sensitive to it when things aren't well. Last semester I took very poor care of myself and ended up in a deep depression for the whole of my christmas break. I was abusing marijuana more often back then also .. I don't as much as I used to. I guess i'm upset with myself for abusing marijuana so much instead of trying to go out and spend my time with someone like you .. I have musical ambition, and always a great reason everyday to look forward to tomorrow .. I know I'm never taking as good care of myself as I should be. You've felt like that before, right ..? .. I'll get better though don't worry. I miss you. See you soon. :) -Brendan (P.S. It snowed today! Argh! It was really windy out too. I've noticed in Maine this always happens at the end of March or beginning of April at least once. I guess today was the day!) rumiinhusson@yahoo.co.jp Wed, Apr 5, 2006, 10:52 AM to me Hi, Brendan. How are you today? I am getting fine. Well I remember you live with Matt next to Faik. But from your last letter, I read you live in single room. I am confused if which is right. I appreciate you that you consider me as a real friend. But I do not consider you as a just friend. I am not so much kind to write letters in English to just friend everyday;) But I am not sure about subtle nuance of English words which show affection. In fact I have been pointed out about that by someguy before. So I am trying to use those words more carefully. But I would love you to know you are a not just friend, but my special. Haha, my trick to use Japanese fell down;) I will tell you about that if I find good expression in English. Well, thank you for your non-verbal comfort about my accident. I have already gotten plenty of those words, though I appreciate about that... I was glad that you notice that:) I appreciate that you told your feeling about how you are living first. I think I understand well. And I have to confess that I was just like you before. I guess I was in desperation then, not knowing when I could recover from my injury. But I did not want anyone to notice my inside problem. I wanted to be seen especially by my family and friends as I was happy and fine except for my gullet. So I kept to stay in my apartment alone just to hide my problem, so that why I could not come back to my home. It was my 3rd year,when I started to hang out with friends again. I regret those days very mush, so I enjoy second campus life in Husson a lot:) I think your strong sensibility and delicacy toward world are sometimes hard for you, but they are necessary for your creative activity, right? You will able to handle it and make use of it well soon. So you should not upset with yourself anymore. If you feel so from now on, if you would like, just tell me. I am not sure if I can be your help, but I will try to understand and accept whole your feeling. Of course if you do not want, you do not have to. I know because I sometimes considered someone's kindness as meddlesome before;) And don't worry. I do not consider your condition largely than fact. I know people have many aspects. And you are really fine. Well I am a little nerves because this was the first time to tell my past to someone except for my family. I hope you know I am so fine now and you are not disappointed at my past. Take care of yourself. Because you are important for me ;) Rumi Brendan S Wed, Apr 5, 2006, 11:21 PM to rumiinhusson@yahoo.co.jp Hello, I'm doing well today. I accidentally slept in and missed a class, so not terribly well, but the absence won't hurt me and i'll make it up. Sorry to confuse -- I've actually been in a single ever since the end of spring break. It's on the same floor as Matt and Faik, so I still see my friends every day. I got the room because I wanted extra privacy for recording, and also because I was just tired of having a roommate.. I hold our friendship on a higher level than most I have right now and to express myself in completely honest terms I believe you are one of the most beautiful girls to ever show affection towards me, just wanted you to know that .. so I sort of feel ashamed when I look at myself inside and out and wonder how much better of a person I could be for someone like you today had I made some better decisions. I understand you've had a sort of miserable past too, but to me you seem happy and in a good condition at this point in time, much better compared to me, I think. Oh well, sorry to sound so pitiful -- I am happy right now, don't worry, I just really wanted to say that because it's how I feel sometimes. I am not terribly upset with how I live right now, but I should cut down on smoking pot =/ I hope you don't disapprove of it too much, you said you were involved with alike things in the past huh ..? I do believe a part of me has become desperate for feeling and reality and experience at this point in my life, but another part of me looks ahead and fears the circumstances constantly over and over .. my self-awareness and nonstop questioning keep my creativity alive, but it comes and goes now, with many worries and stress overwhelming me at times. I hope you're right that I'm really fine. I am not disturbed by your past, I think you must be a strong person to have the sweet disposition and confidence you have now. I hope you take care of yourself too and know I think you're important for me also. :) Goodbye - Miss you. -Brendan rumiinhusson@yahoo.co.jp Thu, Apr 6, 2006, 10:16 AM to me Dear Brendan Hi, Brendan. Today I got an international driver licence. I can drive in U.S. if I had a car..T_T Your story about oversleeping made me smile. You are so cute! I am sorry to tease you;) Thank you for responding to my concept about you( does this sentence make sense?) I am sorry but I could not understand well what you meant.I could not see especially why you have to feel ashamed. Your sentence are sometimes too sophisticated and complicated for me. I will try to improve my English very hard, but please use a little bit easier grammar for a while. I am so sorryT_T. I am glad to know now you are not upset with your lifestyle so much. And No. I have never tried any kind of drug or smoke during my depression. What I tried instead was......"hunger strike"against myself. I really really wanted to keep secret it from anyone. But it is not fair to you, so.... Would you never tell it anyone? Now I consider my silly trial was just violence against myself. I have to take pills to treat hangover still now. I really regret it. I am not sure how marijuana is considered in American society. I guess it is considered much more normally than in Japan. So I have no intention to blame you or force you to quit it at all. But I just worry about your health and extra stress you get as a result of smoking. If you smoke it having fun like a glass of beer after work, I will never say anything or worry about you,but... Anyway I still know you are fine,it is true:) But If you would like, tell me what weigh you and concern you. It is not from curious, I just want to understand you. Of course If you don't want to, you don't have to though. Miss you a lot ... [Message clipped] View entire message Brendan S Thu, Apr 6, 2006, 1:29 PM to rumiinhusson@yahoo.co.jp Hello Rumi! Congratulations about getting your international drivers license, that's cool! Happy to hear my oversleeping made you smile :) it was all worth it then ..! ;) Didn't mean to sound so complicated in my last letter, I don't know what I was saying actually -- I guess it's just that I have had an anti-social past, and don't feel like I'd be the sort of person you'd normally have an interest in, that's all .. I'm happy if you do, and I hope you don't think I have any doubts or a great lack of confidence, because that wouldn't be true. If there are things I say you don't completely understand, you are welcome to quote me and I will explain further if you like. I'm happy that you don't disapprove of my lifestyle too much. No, don't worry, I would never tell anyone about what you said you did in your depression -- I am not bothered by it, and I understand why a person can be pushed to act in such a way. I have to take some pills too .. for depression though -- I actually never needed them until I started living here at Husson, but I'm usually happy most of the time anyway. :) You're right, I am fine .. things are not bad for me right now. -- Do you feel as though I might have something weighing down on me ..? I might 'appear' as though I'm dwelling sometimes, I'm sorry if I do .. I understand you must be curious about why I might look sad, but it's probably just about a song, or something I still need to do. I look forward to seeing you when you come back and maybe spending more time with you. I miss you! Later. :) -Brendan rumiinhusson@yahoo.co.jp Fri, Apr 7, 2006, 11:29 AM to me Dear Brendan Hi, how are you? Today I went shopping to prepare to pack. And I bought some presents for my friends. One of them even ordered me to bring Sake by e-mail.Haha To select presents remembering their faces was so fun. I tried looking for something for you also, but I had totally no idea what you like. What do you like? You should tell me;) Thank you for explaining about my confusion. This time I understood well.You are my good teacher. And don't worry I haven't misunderstood your confidence in yourself right at the start:) Because there are no reason you have to lost confidence at all. Thank you very much for accepting my silly past. I felt relief at your words. Thank you again. And don't worry I enjoy eating now. Even I enjoy DDC's meals which you before mentioned "boring" haha No, you do not look sad. Actually I have talked with you face to face only a couple of times though, you always looked calm, mild and a little mysterious. Your such a atmosphere attracted me as I said before. Why I asked if something bear on you was, from your letter, I have learned you have a sensitive aspect which others never know from your appearance. And you said you do not like Husson so much... just that. I hope you have a good weekend and you do not use "maybe" hereafter about spending time with me ;) haha- Brendan S Fri, Apr 7, 2006, 9:04 PM to rumiinhusson@yahoo.co.jp Dear Rumi, Hey Rumi! -- I'm great today. I have no classes on friday, so I slept in. That's very nice of you to look for a present for me, I don't know what to say -- anything from you is a souvenir to me, so that's what I like -- anything from you.. ;) It's okay if you didn't get me anything. Maybe I should find a present for you also, huh ..? :) Yes, I try to be confident because I know I should be -- I've many reasons to be a happy person, just as you should also. Good thing you enjoy the DDC meals hehe ;) I usually like them too, but sometimes not so much .. oh welll ;) ... Lately I've been workin on music, and hanging out with friends .. I think about you all the time, and I look forward to seeing you again .. just 4 days from now. Tell me, what is your regular day like at home like ..? Here at husson, it's usually pretty simple and routine. I'm sure you remember how living here can be. I hope you have a good weekend! I still miss you and look forward to spending more time with you when you come back (no "maybe" involved!) Later, Rumi! :) -Brendan rumiinhusson@yahoo.co.jp Sat, Apr 8, 2006, 10:43 AM to me Hi, Brendan. We had storm around here today. So I read books all day long. ( I am a book worm) Are you satay in your home this weekend?   Well, how I spend during my 2 weeks satay in Japan is, I usually walk seaside in the morning( I live near the sea). And sleep again for a while. hehe:) and then do my assignment. After that I see my skin doctor or go to outside or excicise. After taht I have long time dinner with parents(even 2 hours everyday) check E-mail, write you every night( it takes loooong time;) I live in my home after an interval of 5 years now. I enjoy my stay:) I can't believe things which surroundings me have so changed in this past year. One years ago, I graduated from University and started to belong a company. I was a worker just befor I went to Husson. And came back to Japan already. My life is a kind of vibrant one. Maybe I am a sensational person;) I do not consider Husson life is simple as long as many students are on campus. It is probably because I am a new comer to America. Everything seems fresh and interesting.  Have you ever been to any other country? If you have, you must have felt like that.If you feel bored there, visit to Japan:) But during regular student's break terms,though I have experienced only winter break and spring break, both terms were really boring. Only ICLS students stayed on campas( we have never vacation). So I am afraid of coming of summer vacation. Are you going to leave from campus as soon as summer vacation start? Thank you for getting rid of "maybe". You did nice work;) I am so excited and a little nervous to see you again. Because actually my allegy has not perfectly recoverd yet. I hope you do not care:) ... [Message clipped] View entire message Brendan S Sat, Apr 8, 2006, 4:38 PM to rumiinhusson@yahoo.co.jp Hi Rumi :) What was the storm like -- was it exciting? I gather your power went out and that's why you read so much, right? I love reading too - I don't do it frequently enough though, I still have a lot of good books I should read. Your home sounds like a relaxing place to live, living near the sea must be great. What company did you work for, and what was your job? I'm glad to hear you've enjoyed your stay at home. :) I think you have an interesting life, and it must be exciting going from Japan to America, and then all over again! How dramatically the way you live must have changed :) It's a good thing to find things fresh and interesting every day. I bet if you do that every day no matter where you are, you'd always be a sensational person. :) I've stayed at school this weekend .. I should accepted my ride home, because I've found myself pretty bored this saturday -- (my guitar has been in a bad condition for a few days, and I still won't have the right tool to fix it until later, so I'm bored for now.) I don't travel enough because the only other country I've ever been to is Canada, which I vaguely remember.. I've taken no vacations bigger than a visit to Washington DC! It's pretty pathetic .. Yeah, I'd love to see Japan! One of my favorite films is Seven Samurai by akira kurosawa and I've had an interest in Samurai since I was a kid. =] .. We've said a lot in these e-mails, so I'm pretty nervous about seeing you again also. It might feel like we're meeting again, huh..? ..Well, I know how you look, and you're a beautiful girl, so I'm not very worried if you're fully recovered or not .. I still see beauty no matter what, and I hope you do too. I really look forward to seeing you again. -Brendan rumiinhusson@yahoo.co.jp Sun, Apr 9, 2006, 10:17 AM to me Hello, Brendan. I am so sorry about your guitar's condition.How is it now? I hope it will be fixed soon. And please let me listen your guitar someday. Well, would you do me a favor, teacher Brendan;)? I can't solve my assigntment by myself. What does "layered over" stand for? It is a key ward of the article, and I couldn't find the meaning in my dictionary,so I can't understand whole article exactly. Please help me.  I was suprised to know you like Seven Samurai. I have never tried it. Actually I have not tried Japanese movie so much. You must know Japanease films more than me;) My campany was a some firm which buys many kinds of products from makers and wholesales them. I belonged to sales department and worked as a salesperson and publicist. It was a good experience and I appreciate my bosses, but actual working hour was too long( From 8 in the morning to 11 at night everyday without any overtime work allowance) So I quite it to work in better condition. I envy you because you have big musical ambition, so if you worked long hours as a musisian , you would not feel fatigue. Haha, both of us seem to be nervous about our reunion, even we talk from unimportant topics to serious topics through e-mails :) Do you think actually we know each other much less than we consider? Anyway thank you for your sweet words. Your warmth always makes me happy. It was very lucky for me to meet you. See you soon. ... [Message clipped] View entire message Brendan S Sun, Apr 9, 2006, 7:18 PM to rumiinhusson@yahoo.co.jp Hi Rumi :) My guitar is fine now, yes I'll let you hear it sometime. Layered over would mean that something is being put on top of another thing or layer, sort of like pickles on top of tomato's in a sandwich -- there are different layers to a sandwich, and the pickles on top would be layered over everything else in the sandwich. :) I like Seven Samurai the most of all Japanese films, I haven't really seen that many .. I'm a big fan of that director though. Your job at that company sounds like it must have taken a lot of responsibility, but I imagine you handling it well. That's good you quit for better conditions -- I would get tired of hours like that too! Thanks for complimenting me for my musical ambition .. I am proud of it, but I am not terribly proud of my work ethic these days .. I haven't been trying hard enough, and when my guitar was unrepairable, I almost felt like it might have been for a reason .. but I never give up, so those negative ideas are always persevered against. :) .. Can't stop da flow of music .. Glad you don't hesitate to accept my kind words. :) Many guys say things, or make things up just to get a girl .. I only say things like that because they're true, so I wouldn't really consider myself a normal guy, huh ..? I'm curious what you think of that. Do we know each other less than we think ..? I think so, but only because we haven't actually seen each other and spoken as much as we've simply sent e-mails. - I look forward to seeing you soon, and I think it very lucky of me to meet you also. :) Later. -Brendan rumiinhusson@yahoo.co.jp Mon, Apr 10, 2006, 9:42 AM to me Dear Brendan Hello,this will be my last mail from Japan:) Thank you for explaining to me what layered over stands for. I like your examle;) Well, I want to know what your musical activity is like, but I will ask you a lot later directly.  You have never tried to say things to get a girl? That's strange! Sorry to tease you;) That because you are much more sincere guy than almost guys. But I think to tempt someone with sweat wards is ok. I will very welcome such a trial by you! I'm sorry again;) I should pack my baggage right now , I have't finished it yet. How lazy I am! Well I will depature from Tokyo tommrow at 3 pm. And I will arrived at Bangor Air port at 11 pm getting over 14 hours time differences. ( I also have to wait for 8 hours at Detroit) It will be long trip, but I am so excited. If I can't see you for a long time even after my coming back (I could see you only by chance before), may I try to reach you by some way? Because only depending on chance to see you is hard for me. See you soon. ... [Message clipped] View entire message Brendan S Tue, Apr 11, 2006, 1:38 AM to rumiinhusson@yahoo.co.jp Hey Rumi Yeah no problem you can ask me questions any time :) I can show you how I record songs if you like, it's pretty simple really .. I haven't really had very many girlfriends to be honest, but I believe what you say about tempting words -- just curious, but did you happen to put any in your last letter to me ..? ; It's okay to tease me, I can take it, but not physically -- I'm very sensitive about teasing in public for some reason -- so that's one weakness you can control me with I guess ;) .. just kidding. If you wish to reach me, I am 479-2626 - and I live in Bell 205. I irresponsibly skipped a 3 hour computer class today .. the fact that it's 3 hour's long makes me only half-guilty, I think .. I look forward to seeing you. :) -Brendan rumiinhusson@yahoo.co.jp Wed, Apr 12, 2006, 9:42 PM to me Hi, Brendan. Thank you for a wonderful song. It was the biggest present I have ever gotten. I was impressed a lot. I love you. Rumi Brendan S Thu, Apr 13, 2006, 4:27 PM to rumiinhusson@yahoo.co.jp I'm happy you liked it. I meant every word. Okay, then I love you too, Rumi (shouldn't I call you Lumi?) :) Wish I spoke to you at lunch -- I missed your voice. Maybe I'll see you at dinner. See you round :) -Brendan