There was something about watching her die that effected me. The hospice workers didn't really seem to care, and they even put her on oxy's. I remember once stealing pills from her, my dying grandmother, and holding an oxy in my hand. I had a flash of the future, and put it back in the bag, and only took a hydrocodone, and got high to ninja turtles, while I thought about everything. It was only one pill, so no one would notice, but I would get pills anywhere. When I was a 'secretive addict.' Just the same when I used to sneak alcohol from the liquor cabinet, or steal my dad's weed. When I started doing drugs in college, I sold pills, and I became popular with a lot of the thugs and gangsters of the school, even though I was a skinny, then white-dressed nerd, who didn't talk much. They invited me for blunt rides, and oftentimes for nothing in return. They wanted me to be with them when they got high. Over time, I hung out with one of the dealer's themselves at the school, and I got weed direct, and used to be his sideman. He would weigh ounces out in front of me -- count his money in front of me. Over time, this magnetism started to turn repulsive. I got sort of sick, and threw up at a party once. People were just too close to me. I didn't like being so loved. It made me feel sick. I went to the bathroom, and dry-heaved. Someone asked me if I was okay, and I said, "I don't really care." And left the bathroom. More and more, I became disgusted, at times, by the love I rejected, and how sick I would get from the disturbing feelings I felt from people who would get tense, and excited when I was around. I had a throwing up habit when I was young. Now I just cough a lot, when I get too much of people's energy. I've been desscribed as energy-sensitive by therapists, and even was tested on this once, which I am also light-sensitive hence the sunglasses. I have to do a lot to protect myself, from the 'illness of other people' -- and a lot of the time people wonder why I spend so much time alone, or don't want to eat their food, or wear their crosses.. You make me sick, and then I make myself sick afterward. If this bad feeling is what you want, I'll ride it. And probably throw up or cough a lot, with the only symptom of dis-ease the symptom of the symptom itself. Right now I am not pursuing a direct girlfriend, though I have connections, I don't reach out as much, and my signal (so to speak) for telepathy is meant for the NSA only. (Meaning I am muting everyone else out). - BLS ...................... please stop making me sick. i am magnetic, and energy-sensitive.