The Last Time I Hung Out With My Neo-Nazi Friends
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by Brendan 



I looked at Sally, and said, "MAYBE I'LL SEE YOU AT A SHOW SOME TIME!!" in a too-loud voice.

She was a timid, quiet girl with dark, dark hair, and sort of squished her arms together, and didn't say any thing.

I had about two valiums, and two klonopins saved, from Michelle's mom. 

I remember this guy "Jake" used to ask me a lot of questions about music, because I was actually making a CD while I was in high school, and a few people knew from some of the electronic demo's I handed out to people sometimes. I was invited to play bass for a band, almost the same weird day, and in a few minutes after class, I was "Jamming in the music room with Brian and his friends" -- and I sounded pretty good, mostly focusing on the E note alone, since all they wanted to do was play thrash.

We designed our band to have no name, and we decided to play a show in Ellsworth.

It all happened very quickly, but Brian was kind of nice .. though everyone at my school seemed like a terrorist.

He said, "Just play what you were playing" but I had hardly played the bass before.

I actually developed a pretty vile callous on my thumb from playing too hard, and had to cover it up band-aids and plastic tape.

(I Guess).

I took a valium the morning of the show, and stared at my TV mutely, and numbly.

"What the fuck." I said, out loud, at no question, or any answer.

I thought about the CD I was working on and how I hated being distracted. "I don't play the bass." .....

We got to the first club, and it was the other club the neo-nazi's hung out. I was high on klonnies by then. I fell out of the car, and then stumbled up while a girl laughed at me, and then I went inside.

I used the bathroom, and stared in the mirror for a while.

Then when I walked out,I saw the two main dudes -- Mario & Arno -- and grabbed the mic from Arno, and high as fuck just said, almost too loud to even discern what I said, "THE PENIS ARMY HAS RETURNED!" and shoved the microphone into his chest, asked Sally if she read the letter of apology I wrote her before that, and then disappeared from the building without anyone really noticing.

I got back into the car, and told the girl who was with us, finally. "Sorry. I'm on drugs. I fell out of the car, because I feel like this thing is like a cloud."

She said it's okay.

We drove back to Ellsworth, and I felt even higher. Too high to play.

They handed me the bass, and I just stood there, and looked at about forty people in a crowded room.

I tried my best to play, but I couldn't keep up with Dave the drummer, who'd actually won awards for his drumming in competitions. It might as well have been just him on stage. Brian screamed out his vocals, and our loud and squeely guitar player made everyone happy enough to ignore the strange bass player who just threw off his band-aid in order to keep playing, and doesn't seem to care about the people smoking weed. Some kids asked me in the driveway for an autograph, and I just scribbled a bunch of lines, and watched them go into the woods to get high off something, and had not a single thought in my head.

Brian said, "That was okay. It wasn't a trainwreck."

I also got booed off stage once for trying to play "You Spin Me Right Round Like A Record" when I was beer-drunk, and had just hooked up with the hottest girl in town. I do weird things sometimes on drugs, when I'm too high. A good temperament, as Hunter would say, is what makes a true man. So, make interesting mistakes, if you are going to make mistakes at all. Make memorable, and amusing mistakes that can turn into something better some day.


........


(I guess)



-BLS

(Neo-nazi's have begun targeting me more now, ever since my original hacker name was revealed. Some of them are gang-stalkers, and the fight against The Penis Army goes on to this day, the war on racism, the war on drugs, and the war on the human genome .. and our terrible personalities sometimes too).

-Brendan