Turning A New Leaf
------------------

by Brendan Lee



"Yes. I am a valium addict. I did valium in high school. I'm addicted to it, and I don't want it anymore."

Kati listened almost for an extra few seconds after I said this, because most doctors like to keep people medicated.

"Okay." She said. AND seemed sad, as she signed me off from the prescription, and the only medication I had left was my anti-psychotic.

* * * * * *

My parents heard it from me, as well as the internet.....

"Kratom is like the root to what Heroin comes from" I honestly admitted to them. "It affects the same receptors in the brain as coffee." And "It's in the same family of drugs as coffee."

At first, I bought it myself. They let me go into the head-shop, and I'd get about 60 capsules of heroin.

Then I went back home, and "took too much at first." AND threw up a few times.

I learned the proper dose eventually, and it wasn't long my parents bought it for me themselves, walking right into the headshop (My dad, who is a pretty good person for all he's done for me) -- would be the one to buy it.

They would leave bags of capsules out for me on the kitchen counter, and I only took my medication "As needed" (which is not how you're supposed to take it).

It was the separation from true logic and reality, when I started to buy black candles, and figurines, without knowing why.

White vans were starting to drive past me as I drove with my mom (specifically), and they always seemed to have one shadowy driver I could hardly see, but I started to see the white vans more and more.

I would always get back home, from the dispensary, where I was given at least $200 each time I went, to buy whatever I wanted. From edibles, kief, the weed itself (usually only an eighth or a quarter) -- my tai chi was boosting my energy, and I started drinking steroid drinks at the same time I "planned out what Bruce Lee movies I wanted to watch." I had this new, determined way about me.

The heroin just kept me going.

I picked up cigarettes, one night when I had no weed.

A flashback

* * * * * * *

That day in court:

I was given community service for the crimes I had committed, which had added up to the assault (or pseudo assault, since I only pushed him with my index fingers) -- he went back a few feet, so he wanted to call it an assault, but after 9 months working as a volunteer at the SPCA, and also getting a cat of my own, a Himalayan Seal-Point named "Duke" who I re-named "Dukie" -- he is still my good friend today -- I walked up to the judge, or the podium, after the other side spoke, declaring it was not an assault, and to wipe my record clean. They looked straight ahead, and both of them had a queer smile on their faces.

I looked at the judge, and said "THANK YOU!" and the next day, when I was totally free, I lied on my bed listening to music, and the day after that, I hit the bar.

I performed a single show live, totally sober, but I was also buying beer, and then getting it from my parents around this time.

Wine bottles were lined up outside my apartment door, as well as cases of Natty Daddy.

The heroin was always in the kitchen.

I had cigarettes, but the entire time I refused all pills, including tylenol and painkillers.

And I don't like to abuse pills, to this day -- even if I did.

I am a semi-reformed addict, but for the most part I still love getting high.

And weed is my favorite drug.

I just bought an ounce at the gas-station, where they now also sell joints in Maine.

* * * * * *

Marijuana was legalized in Maine based on a 50/50 vote, where we only barely won.


-Brendan S